What Does It Mean To Be Queer & Take Up Space
“To be my most authentic self means not holding back. I believe that when I am dancing I am my most authentic self because I can express the most deep inner feelings that I cannot express on a daily basis. I believe that through dance and music we can speak are most of our truths and share our deepest and most genuine stories.”
The first and only place we as humans have to live in are our physical bodies and our minds. It’s safe to say then, that we know ourselves best. But what happens when we’ve accepted and made peace with who we are, but no one else has? Or what happens when we’re still trying to figure out how to be, while also feeling pressured to label ourselves for the comfort of others? Welcome to the spectrum of the human experience.
The truth is, being our authentic selves is sometimes super scary. Authenticity requires strength, but it also requires vulnerability, and that can make us feel weak. In reality, vulnerability is a benefit to us. There is healing to be found in transparency, and in living and speaking in our truth.
For those who identify as male, vulnerability becomes more challenging, as it is also intersected with things like toxic masculinity. A lot of men were raised to believe that to show vulnerability was to directly challenge their “manhood”. However, we as conscious beings understand the spectrum of gender identity, and the ways in which plenty of men are harmed by socially constructed views of masculinity, and what it means to “be a man”. In reality, many men challenge heteronormative ideals of masculinity, while dealing with a society that is often unaware or ignorant of their struggles.
“I went to get my haircut on Saturday. I asked the barber to cut the ends of my afro puffs thinking I was asking for a trim. Snip, snip, chop! He cut too much. My puffs were gone. I was devastated. The thing that made me feel feminine was now on the floor. I rushed to the bathroom to see if I could pull my hair up enough to tie it with elastic. No luck. I paid the guy offering him a tip because I believe barbershops are important places to financially support black men. Unfortunately, it was at my expense. I cried on the bus after wondering if anyone would see anything feminine about me again.”
When it comes to the male and female duality, we can break it down into energy. Male energy is characterized as “doer” energy, more aggressive, analytical, assertive and left-brain dominant. Female energy is more creative energy, more right-brain dominant, nurturing and soft.
This energy, however, is not gender specific, and can exist in many and any combinations in an individual. A female identified person can have a predominantly male energy, whereas someone who identifies as non-binary may be more female energy dominant. The flow and combination of male and female energies is what allows us the beautiful experience that is human nature. Restricting one’s gender to a mere performance only harms and suppresses us as a conscious collective.
“I remember a time that my father made me feel like I was less of an individual because I had to abide by a masculine identity. I was home visiting, and he made a comment on how much my voice and mannerisms weren’t masculine enough. I felt more disappointed than anything. But it didn’t encourage me to perform masculinity more.”
Toxic masculinity looks like a policing of the male identity. It looks like jabs, disses and assertions that one’s social performance of masculinity is not believable enough. This performance can be broken down into mannerisms, voice pitch, dress and even walking stance that cannot even be perceived as the slightest bit feminine, without having their masculinity questioned.
The truth is that masculinity is whatever the individual decides it to be. There is no one way to “be a man” for the simple fact that there is no one way to be anything! By opening up our minds to be empathetic to those whose experiences are outside our range of knowledge, we can create safer and more accepting social and emotional environments for ourselves, and our future generation of light beings.
In terms of representation, although there are some depictions of queer men in the media, these depictions can sometimes be harmful in its reception.
“I think that the media really glorifies the depiction of sexuality and identity. I mean 20 years ago you wouldn’t have seen Drag Race so successful on television. The ballroom scene especially was very underground and now it’s even pushed out to the mainstream and it’s glorified and it’s celebrated and it’s a ‘thing’ now. And I hope people realize that these are not just trends, these are actual cultures with history which are uplifting the LGBT communities.”
There is so much pride to be felt in our experiences. The LGBTQ2S+ experience, when intersected with the experiences of black and other racialized identities is one that should be celebrated for our resilience and ability to create and live, despite the social stigmas and borders put around us. As beings living in this present time, we harness within us a power that transcends false labels and identifiers. We can find our pride and strength in our ability to: Be.
Photography By: Maisha Marshall - Ende
Models: James, Matthew, Jemuel, & Zymbul
Makeup Artist: Rahnell
Concept & Creative Direction: Tiana Smith
Written By: Chloe K